An Intodruction to BDSM

This is not considered to be a tutorial or even an explanation of a whole lifestyle - I want to show you around a bit and give you some information about what it means and how it feels to be a member of the scene.

First of all we should talk about the abbreviation BDSM - do you really know what this means? No? Well you are not alone - most of the people around here don't know exactly what BDSM means. So don't be shy and ashamed - the lack of information is not the thing I would ever blame you for, but not longing for the answers is a bad thing. Hmmmm?  You want to be a good reader? Ok, let me tell you about it.

BDSM is any of a number of related patterns of human sexual behavior. Most common description for the abbreviation 'BDSM' itself is:

• B&D    Bondage & Discipline
• D&S    Domination & Submission
• S&M    Sadism & Masochism

Many of the specific practices in BDSM are those which, if performed in neutral or nonsexual contexts, could be considered unpleasant, undesirable or abusive. For example, while pain, physical restraint and servitude are traditionally inflicted on persons against their will and to their detriment, in BDSM, these activities are engaged in with the mutual consent of the participants, and typically for mutual enjoyment. Any "consent" may or may not amount to legal consent and represent a defense to criminal liability for any injuries caused

This emphasis on informed consent and safety is also known as SSC (safe, sane and consensual), though others prefer the term RACK (risk-aware consensual kink), believing that it places more emphasis on acknowledging the fact that all activities are potentially risky. There is discussion and dispute about the meaning or intent of the terms, but in essence, both terms refer to all participants acknowledging and accepting some level of risk.

BDSM may or may not involve sex of any kind.
BDSM may or may not involve sexual role playing.

How dominant or submissive a person may be in their regular life does not necessarily indicate which role they will play in a scene.
Some BDSM players are polyamorous or sexually monogamous but engage in non-sexual play with others.
A couple may engage in BDSM sexuality with an otherwise non-Dominant/submissive relationship dynamic.

Physiology:

On a physical level, BDSM "sensation play" often involves inflicting pain, even if without actual injury. This releases endorphins, creating a sensation somewhat like runner's high or the afterglow of orgasm, sometimes called "subspace", which many find enjoyable. Some use the term "body stress" to describe this physiological sensation. More eloquently, the philosopher Edmund Burke defines this sensation of pleasure derived from pain by the word sublime. The regions of the brain that manage sexual stimuli and pain overlap, resulting in some individuals associating pain with sexual pleasure as the neurological reactions are intertwined.

In some kinds of BDSM play, the "top" (usually a dominant partner) applies sensation to the "bottom" (usually a submissive partner) by spanking, slapping, pinching, stroking or scratching with fingernails, or using implements like straps, whips, paddles, canes, knives, hot wax, ice, clothespins, bamboo skewers, etc. The sensation of being bound with rope, chains, straps, cling wrap, handcuffs or other materials can also be part of the experience. The tools of BDSM play encompass a wide variety of items from specifically designed implements to ordinary household items, known as "pervertibles."

The Roles:

A pleasurable BDSM experience is thought to depend greatly upon a competent top and the bottom attaining the correct state of mind. Trust and sexual arousal help a person prepare for the intense sensation. Some have even gone so far as to compare adept BDSM play to musical composition and performance, each sensation like a musical note. Likewise, different sensations are combined in different ways to produce the total experience.

Some sensations may be equated to different levels of bodywork and may have the same end result of causing emotional releases and other physical and psychological experiences. This experience is the motivation for many in the BDSM community but is not the only motivating factor. Indeed, a strong minority of BDSM participants (especially "submissives") may well participate in a scene that they do not derive any physical pleasure from. This is done in order to provide their dominant master or mistress with an opportunity to indulge their desires or fetishes.

Dominant behavior

A dominant person enjoys controlling a submissive person. Reasons for this are said to include demonstrating skill and power, having ownership of another person, and being the object of affection and devotion. Domination may be the fashion in which the dominant feels most comfortable expressing and/or receiving affection. Service-oriented dominants would add that it is obviously useful to have the resources and abilities of another human at their disposal. In addition, many fantasies involve the reversal of traditional roles or constraints, so that men or women who traditionally have powerful roles in contemporary culture may wish to experience submissive roles, while others who normally are responsible for enforcing traditional morality, may wish to experience situations where such limitations do not exist.

Of course, other known possible motives remain to be considered, including pleasure taken not only in sheer power, but in the suffering of others, which is called sadism, thrill seeking in risk taking, and self-destructiveness. That is why many in the BDSM community are concerned with establishing the motivations of those involved in an encounter and advise caution in making BDSM connections.

Some dominants and sadists say they are motivated by the desire to give masochists the pain and pleasure desired by them. Thus, the sadist is a pleasure giver and not one primarily seeking gratification from the suffering of others.

Submissive behavior

A submissive person is one who, of their own free will, seeks to submit to another.

Submission, by nature, is a twofold phenomenon that expresses itself through power. Submissives, no matter what walks of life they may come from, all share the desire to relinquish power to another individual. Their reasons are varied. Some may find the relinquishment of responsibility to another paradoxically liberating.

Yet the paradox between freedom and entrapment is also expressed through the power exchange between dominant and submissive. Though submitting, it is this very submission they desire. Though dominants push their submissives' boundaries, submissives have the power to end play when it progresses too far. This concept is embodied within the safe word.

Thus submissives have varied reasons for their actions, and their sexual role in the realm of BDSM often has no real correlation with who they are outside of play. Precisely who holds the power within the relationship is debatable. It is therefore arguable that despite outward appearances of dominance and submission, a D&S relationship has as much equality between partners as any vanilla relationship.

Tops and bottoms

In BDSM, a top is a partner who takes the role of giver in such acts as bondage, flogging, humiliation, or servitude. The top performs acts such as these upon the bottom, who is the person receiving for the duration of a scene. Although it is easy to assume that a top is dominant and a bottom is submissive, it is not necessarily so.

The top is sometimes the partner who is following instructions, i.e., he tops when, and in the manner, requested by the bottom. A person who applies sensation or control to a bottom, but does so at the bottom's explicit instruction is a service top. Contrast the service top with the pure dominant, who might give orders to a submissive, or otherwise employ physical or psychological techniques of control, but might instruct the submissive to perform the act on him or her.

The same goes for bottoms and submissives. At one end of the continuum is a submissive who enjoys taking orders from a dominant but does not receive any physical stimulation. At the other is a bottom who enjoys the intense physical and psychological stimulation but does not submit to the person delivering them. It should be noted that the bottom is most often the partner who is giving instructions - the top typically tops when, and in the manner, requested by the bottom. However, there is a purist school of BDSM, for whom such "topping from the bottom" is incompatible with the retention of high ethical standards in the relationships wherein BDSM is practiced.

Within a sadomasochistic context, submissive is only roughly synonymous with bottom. Others opine that a "submissive" is specifically pursuing a dominant/submissive power-exchange as a key element, whereas a "bottom" may or may not be interested (or even willing) to engage in that exchange. For the latter, some have proposed the "pitcher" and "catcher" (borrowed from baseball terminology) as more neutral terminology, with the "pitcher" delivering the sensation, the instruction, etc; and the "catcher" receiving what is "pitched." These are in contrast to the term slave, which is a situation where the '"submissive" in a TPE or Total Power Exchange relationship gives up all control to their "dominant" not just for a "scene" but for a "24/7" continuing relationship.'

Switching

Some practitioners of BDSM enjoy switching - playing both dominant and submissive roles, either during a single scene or taking on different roles at different occasions with different partners. A switch will be the top on some occasions and the bottom on other occasions. A switch may be in a relationship with someone of the same primary orientation (two dominants, say), so switching provides each partner with an opportunity to realize his or her unsatisfied BDSM desires with others. Some individuals may switch, but may not identify as a switch because they do so infrequently or only under certain circumstances. Sometimes individuals switch in just physical roles (top and bottom), and sometimes individuals may switch completely in emotional roles (dominant and submissive) as well. Some switches only switch from relationship to relationship and will stay in that role for the duration of the relationship.

Safety:

Some BDSM activities may be potentially dangerous if appropriate precautions are not taken. In particular, it is sometimes the practice that the submissive will complain of suffering or beg the dominant to stop, and that this will be ignored by the dominant. Therefore, one aspect to ensure safety is to agree upon a safeword. If the dominant and submissive are in a scene that causes unacceptable discomfort (physical or mental) for the submissive, a safeword can be uttered to warn the dominant of trouble and immediately call for a stop to the scene.

Sometimes BDSM may involve a 'simulation' or 'role play' of rape or other non-consensual acts. A dominant and a submissive may choose to pretend that the submissive is being raped or otherwise forced to do something unwillingly. Therefore, words like "No!" or "Stop!" are inappropriate as safewords, because a submissive playing the role of a victim would say these words as part of the scenario. The ideal safeword is a word or brief phrase (such as "red light") that normally would not be spoken during a sadomasochistic act, and which therefore calls attention to itself by its own incongruity.

Some people in BDSM use multiple levels of safewords. For example, the safeword "green" to increase the intensity/pressure/force, "yellow" would be employed to indicate "You are approaching an intensity (or an activity) that I don't wish to experience; please do not continue this scene further in this direction, or do not increase the intensity", while the safeword "red" would mean "Stop this and release me now." The stoplight safeword mechanism is the most common one found in the BDSM community, and as such is universally recognized, causing less potential confusion than some random safeword might.

In situations where the submissive's mouth is gagged, or the submissive is otherwise incapable of speaking without violating the fetish scenario, a non-verbal signal is used instead of a safeword. Typically this might be the clenching and unclenching of one or both fists, the dropping a bell or ball, snapping of the fingers, or uttering three loud grunts in quick succession.

It is possible that a dominant may ignore a safe word. A dominant who acquires a reputation for ignoring safewords will experience increasing difficulty finding BDSM partners. Some partners may not use a safeword, as the submissive may have full faith that the dominant can be totally trusted. This concept is debated regularly amongst people in the BDSM lifestyle and observers will find a variety of opinions. Within this sub-culture and community in a lifestyle based on trust, a person who is not known, or not trusted, does not easily find partners.

Adequate care is prudent in bondage to ensure safety from injury. It is wise to invest in first aid training for all involved parties. For activities involving bodily fluids, hygienic precautions should be duly considered for avoiding the spread of sexually transmitted diseases or blood borne viruses.

Conflict Resolution within BDSM Community

In any geographical (or perhaps electronic) community of BDSM practitioners, there are bound to be the occasional disputes over the safety, skills, or basic honesty and intentions of the participants. These tend to arise from miscommunications, unexpressed assumptions, inexperience, or actual mistakes made by the parties involved. Especially with an area of sexuality which may or may not be legal according to the letter of the law, these incidents will often bring up the question of "community self-policing" of its members. Since so many of the interactions are one-on-one, unobserved by third parties, and of an intimate nature, a conflict or dispute may lead to "he-said, she-said" types of interactions. Many communities have developed conflict resolution committees to help mediate such situations.

Legality

The legal situation of sadomasochistic activities varies greatly between countries. In Japan, Germany, the Netherlands and the Scandinavian countries, consensual BDSM is legal.

In the UK, BDSM activities which cause injuries which are more than 'transient or trifling' may be illegal (see Operation Spanner), but the few cases since the original R v Brown 1990 ruling have been contradictory in their judgments[citation needed]. A dining club involved in nyotaimori (that is it had food served on otherwise naked women) in many restaurants in west London wound itself up because it was thought to be illegal. The UK Government has announced it plans to criminalize possession of "violent pornography", including faked images and those involving consenting adults. BDSM groups such as The Spanner Trust and Unfettered oppose the proposed law.

In other countries it is an example of a consensual crime.

At least in the western, industrialized countries and Japan, since the 1980s sadomasochists have begun to form information exchange and support groups to counter the discriminatory image held by orthodox science and parts of the public. This has happened independently in the United States and in several European countries. With the advent of the web, international cooperation has started to develop - for example Datenschlag is a joint effort of sadomasochists in the three major German-speaking countries, and the mailing list Schlagworte uses the model of a news agency to connect six countries.